ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Ok, I'm ircked.  I am a well-qualified ADVERTISING CREATIVE STRATEGIST (seriously, check me out!)  and cannot seem to get a job as easily as many predicted pre-recession.  Now, my overachiever spirit is getting me places only slowly but surely. 

Yet, with all of those well-seasoned ad people unfortunately laid off and all of us budding ad enthusiasts trying to break into the market, THIS GUY still has his job:

Meet Nike Advertising Executive Paul Dewitt.  Seriously, we aren't talking small time here... this is the JUST DO IT man.  He has a hand in what this brand giant tells the world.

He must be BRILLIANT right?  WRONG!  Maybe he used to be in his prime, but in a time when your job should be gold right now, this man is throwing it at the wind and winging it with a brand people would kill to be associated with.  

The Onion Sports Network informed the world of his pitch this week in this article.  The product: Nike.  The spokesperson: Usain Bolt (appropriate last name).  Product Benefit: goes fast.  Here are my favorite highlights - why I'm ircked that he has a job and I don't.

• "I don't know, maybe in one [commercial] he's running away from a car or a train, or toward a car or a train," Dewitt said to members of Nike's executive board, including company president Mark Parker. "If it's a train it should probably be one of those silver, pointy-looking ones that look like they go super fast."
• Dewitt spent an estimated five minutes listing more than 200 living and nonliving things that Usain Bolt could run up, down, toward, against, or around "in one of those fast circles that are made of smoke," including bullets, airplanes, camera flashes, Internet search engines, really fast dogs, really fast cats, even faster dogs, other runners, the earth, the solar system, a comet, and the universe.
• "What if he runs against a cheetah or a jaguar or maybe, like, a gazelle?" Dewitt said while standing in front of a PowerPoint slide labeled "Animals."
• "He could eat his lunch really fast or do his laundry fast? That could be two separate commercials." - oh yeah, great idea... way to come up with a whole CAMPAIGN!     
• "Maybe at the end of all these commercials, a Nike logo appears and it thumps like a heart to convey intensity," Dewitt said. "So, okay, I'm done now. Any questions?"

So basically this is what I got out of that presentation:  Someone has been reading too many gossip magazines, going home early and must have been nursing a hangover or still in a state that may bring on a hangover soon.  

Nike should open the position to entry level people and allow some of the eager advertisers out there to help them shine.  I mean come on... anyone can figure out that 'Bolt' can be used to show he is FAST.  My head actually hurts having to regurgitate this stupidity to you.