ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Ok, I'm ircked.  I am a well-qualified ADVERTISING CREATIVE STRATEGIST (seriously, check me out!)  and cannot seem to get a job as easily as many predicted pre-recession.  Now, my overachiever spirit is getting me places only slowly but surely. 

Yet, with all of those well-seasoned ad people unfortunately laid off and all of us budding ad enthusiasts trying to break into the market, THIS GUY still has his job:

Meet Nike Advertising Executive Paul Dewitt.  Seriously, we aren't talking small time here... this is the JUST DO IT man.  He has a hand in what this brand giant tells the world.

He must be BRILLIANT right?  WRONG!  Maybe he used to be in his prime, but in a time when your job should be gold right now, this man is throwing it at the wind and winging it with a brand people would kill to be associated with.  

The Onion Sports Network informed the world of his pitch this week in this article.  The product: Nike.  The spokesperson: Usain Bolt (appropriate last name).  Product Benefit: goes fast.  Here are my favorite highlights - why I'm ircked that he has a job and I don't.

• "I don't know, maybe in one [commercial] he's running away from a car or a train, or toward a car or a train," Dewitt said to members of Nike's executive board, including company president Mark Parker. "If it's a train it should probably be one of those silver, pointy-looking ones that look like they go super fast."
• Dewitt spent an estimated five minutes listing more than 200 living and nonliving things that Usain Bolt could run up, down, toward, against, or around "in one of those fast circles that are made of smoke," including bullets, airplanes, camera flashes, Internet search engines, really fast dogs, really fast cats, even faster dogs, other runners, the earth, the solar system, a comet, and the universe.
• "What if he runs against a cheetah or a jaguar or maybe, like, a gazelle?" Dewitt said while standing in front of a PowerPoint slide labeled "Animals."
• "He could eat his lunch really fast or do his laundry fast? That could be two separate commercials." - oh yeah, great idea... way to come up with a whole CAMPAIGN!     
• "Maybe at the end of all these commercials, a Nike logo appears and it thumps like a heart to convey intensity," Dewitt said. "So, okay, I'm done now. Any questions?"

So basically this is what I got out of that presentation:  Someone has been reading too many gossip magazines, going home early and must have been nursing a hangover or still in a state that may bring on a hangover soon.  

Nike should open the position to entry level people and allow some of the eager advertisers out there to help them shine.  I mean come on... anyone can figure out that 'Bolt' can be used to show he is FAST.  My head actually hurts having to regurgitate this stupidity to you.           

      

Why advertising has a bad name...

There are a lot of critics of advertising out there... they see the images and messages as annoying, unnecessary, invasive and ridiculous.  They think of the multi-billion dollar industry as a leech sucking the individuality out of Americans.  

I say they are just a bunch of cry babies looking to complain about something, because advertising is a creative strategy based art that aims to sell a product (the key to our economy and way of life).  It is used to entertain, inform and contribute to the growth of product use (how else would you know there's a new phone that has a gps or a new line of baby-food that is much healthier for your child?)  

However, for all of the well-executed, carefully-crafted ads there are out there, there is one part of the industry that us advertisers like to ignore... the black sheep in the family... the one who rides on our coattails and tries to share in our legitimacy: SALES PROMOTION.  

You're lying or lonely if you say you truly enjoy telemarketing and unless someone approaches you on the street with something completely free (at which point you're going to suspect its covered in anthrax or something harmful), you are most likely trained to half ignore every word they say because you know it's laced with some sort of CATCH.  

Why are we so pessimistic towards person-to-person sales?  Probably not because we hate people' more likely it's because there have been too many scams involved in this type of sale.  It's not personable and "a cheaper way to sell," it's INVASIVE and MANIPULATIVE.

I recently applied for a job that tricked college graduates into thinking that this start up company was hiring people to train for upper management at their promotions company. I explained in my interview that I was a creative strategist and would enjoy working with clients and on-site sales teams after developing the best way to promote a company based on their current problem that needed to be solved.  They whole-heartedly assured me that this company was the place for me.  After borrowing cars and paying tolls and wasting two days of my life, I found out I was at the other end of a joke.  They had duped me with their sales skills to come for an all-day final interview where I followed the sales team around selling coupon cards to a local spa and resort.  Not only was the card riddled with small print, the team would go door to door and interrupt local businesses to sell the commission-based product: a coupon.  I felt like a monkey in a circus and was saddened by every person that fell into their smooth-talking trap.  At the end of the day, I had learned a very important lesson:  DON'T SETTLE on ANY JOB, no matter the recession!   

Luckily, there are still smart people out there who understand the value of a promotion to increase foot-traffic to a company without sucking people's wallets and souls.  

GROUPON is a web-based promotions company that through word of mouth, google, twitter and facebook, offers their coupon services to those who approach them.  It is an email-reminder service that informs the group members of each day's special and it's their choice whether to click the link to the site to learn more.  For instance, the site is Boston-based (although they have sites for Chicago, NY, DC, San Fran, LA and Atlanta) and they sent me a coupon for whale watching 40 minutes outside of the city.  Since I am car-less, I deleted the email within seconds... no annoying sales person to try and rehash and get me to reconsider.  Today, I was offered a 65% off coupon to a salon nearby for a mani-pedi (every girl's dream!)  I wanted it SOOO bad so I read everything searching for a CATCH.

Guess what? Groupon did it; they created a promotional program without ANY catch.  Instead, it's realistic.  If 100 people participate in the promotion, you get the deal.  If not, no deal.  It's callled Collective Buying Power - companies agree to lower their prices if they get the return they desire.  Today's deal, already has over 600 participants at 10 am.  Looks like I'm getting a 20 dollar mani-pedi from a first-class salon!   

Still Skeptical/ don't trust your blogger?  Check it out here:

Groupon is different!  Learn how it works! from The Point on Vimeo.

So, don't get scammed.  I now have an insider view on the whole street team sales thing and will only be buying sodas and ice cream off the streets now.  Get with the times and don't get harassed.  Let advertising have it's good, innovative name back.  (After all, who doesn't love giant interactive billboards or the classic J-E-L-L-O jingle?)  Join GROUPON.